I’ve attached the materials we used for the active listening training we did in January. One describes the actual skills involved in active listening. I’ve revised the examples so they make more sense. The other contains thoughts on preparing for the visit and active listening. -Emily

Attending¶

A: Eye contact B: Posture
S.O.L.E.R.
Five steps to attentive listening
Squarely face the person Open your posture Lean towards the sender Eye contact maintained Relax while attending

I. Paraphrasing¶

What is it? Restating a message, but usually with fewer words. Where possible try and get more to the point.

Purpose:
To test your understanding of what you heard.
To communicate that you are trying to understand what is being said. If you’re successful, paraphrasing indicates that you are following the speaker’s verbal explorations and that you’re beginning to understand the basic message.

When listening consider asking yourself:
What is the speaker’s basic thinking message
What is the person’s basic feeling message

Paraphrasing example 1:S: I just don’t understand, one minute she tells me to do this, and the next minute to do that. X: She really confuses you.

Paraphrasing example 2:S: I really think he is a very nice guy. He’s so thoughtful, sensitive, and kind. He calls me a lot. He’s fun to go out with. X: You like him very much, then.

II. Perception Checking¶

What is it: Request for verification of your perceptions.

Purpose:
To give and receive feedback
To check out your assumptions

Perception checking example: Let me see if I’ve got it straight. You said that you love your children and that they are very important to you. At the same time you can’t stand being with them. Is that what you are saying?

III. Summarizing¶

What is it: pulling together, organizing, and integrating the major aspects of your dialogue. Pay attention to various themes and emotional overtones. Put key ideas and feelings into broad statements. DO NOT add new ideas.

Purpose:
To give a sense of movement and accomplishment in the exchange
To establish a basis for further discussion.
Pull together major ideas, facts, and feelings

Summarizing example 1:A number of good points have been made about rules for the classroom. Let’s take a few minutes to go over them and write them on the board.

Summarizing example 2: We’re going all over the map this morning. If I understand you correctly,
The three major points of the story are…

IV. Primary Empathy¶

What is it: Reflection of content and feelings

Purpose:
To show that you’re understanding the speaker’s experience
To allow the speaker to evaluate his/her feelings after hearing them expressed by someone else

Basic Formula:
You feel (state feeling) because (state content)

Primary Empathy example 1:Student: I just don’t know how I am going to get all this math homework done before tonight’s game, especially since I don’t get most of this stuff you taught us today.
Teacher: You are feeling frustrated and stuck…You are feeling frustrated and stuck with math you don’t know how to do and you’re worried that you won’t figure it out before you go to the game.

Primary Empathy example 2:
The main feeling for you seems to be fear — you’re really scared of losing your relationship if things don’t get better.
It’s upsetting when someone doesn’t let you tell your side of the story.

Adapted from www.taftcollege.edu/lrc/class/assignmen...