[Paródia] Dicas de Segurança para Homens

Safety Tips for Men
(via malloreigh.tumblr)

Men, are you worried for your own safety because misandry?

You need to accept that misandry happens in the real world and take some precautions.

Take a self defense class, they’re only a couple hundred dollars a month.

Don’t go out after dark unless you have a woman to chaperone you.Misandrists are less likely to attack if they see you are with another woman.

Don’t wear anything too douchey. If you’re wearing a fedora or a sexist t-shirt, etc. you’re pretty much asking to get attacked. Misandrists can’t control themselves when they see a man in a fedora, their instincts kick in and before they know it they have a dead male corpse in their hands. Just be a good boy and don’t tempt them, okay?

Don’t ever invite a woman into your home. Misandrists will interpret this as you consenting to physical violence.

Drinking increases your risk of being attacked by a misandrist. They target drunk men because their inhibitions are lowered.

Never leave your drink unattended. Misandrists are notorious for poisoning men at parties and bars.

If a misandrist does attack you, be quiet and just let her finish or you might anger her further and you are liable to get murdered instead of just mutilated. But also, be sure to put up a good fight because a lot of men say they don’t want to be attacked by misandrists but deep down, they really like it.

And remember, accusing a woman of abusive misandry is worse than being abused by a misandrist. So before you make accusations, make sure it wasn’t all just a silly misunderstanding.

If this doesn’t put things in perspective, I honestly don’t know what will.