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QBG Lex

Shared Values:
1. We self identify as quirky black girls or genderqueers. Trans quirky black girls are welcome here!
2. We agree to be accountable to the space by following the principles and values lest we be asked to leave
3. The voices of those most impacted by particular systems of oppression are the most crucial in the conversations about those forms of oppression.
4. We commit to loving and affirming each other in this space.
5. We understand that relative privilege makes people relatively ignorant. When/if we are called out for our privilege (class privilege, skin privilege, cis-gender privilege, non-disabled privilege etc.) we pause and reflect. We take it first as an opportunity to learn and grow, not to defend behaviors that may have harmed people actions/words/assumptions that may be challenged.
6. We will post things we think are relevant to this community
7. We understand that this is not a space for cis black men or self-identified white people.
8. We want to learn and share and grow with other self identified qbgs.
9. We will not talk disparagingly about any marginalized groups I.e. poor, queer, non.white, genderqueer, sex workers, etc.
10.long live the quirk!

achei mts materiais interessantissimos sobre espaços seguros

linko alguns:

web.uvic.ca/psn/resources/manual/guidel...

128aotearoa.wordpress.com/safer-spaces

portlytruestories.blogspot.co.nz/2007/1...

campanarchy.org/safer-spaces-policy

Como avacalhar
terça feira, 15 de novembro de 2007

Porque você ainda vai, provavelmente, em algum ponto da sua vida.

Uma vez que é provável que você vai foder tudo, de alguma maneira, em algum momento, por que não fazê-lo com graça e desembaraço?

Eu? – Eu acho que eu ‘avacalho’ diariamente.

Para mim, correntemente, minhas áreas principais de ‘avacalhamento’ são: Agir sobre outros seres de maneiras que eu não desejaria que atuassem com relação a mim, não manter ou aderir aos meus próprios princípios, não praticar o que eu ‘prego’, não praticar o que falo, etc…. oh, apenas uma centena de coisas distintas.

Manter-se consciente e consistente pode ser uma senhora tarefa às vezes.

De qualquer maneira, eu realmente quero me manter consciente e eu quero ser consistente com meus próprios princípios e éticas. Para mim, essa é a definição de integridade pessoal.

Se seus objetivos/valores/éticas/princípios na vida são diferentes dos meus, eu não tenho nenhum problema com isso, honestamente.
Ainda assim, estou achando que, mesmo se seus objetivos, princípios, e padrões éticos diferem dos meus, é provável que você vai ‘avacalhar’ com sua própria coisa agora e denovo.

É sobre isso que este escrito fala. ‘Como avacalhar’, e como limpar sua merda quando você ferra.

Eu tenho uma pequena ferramenta que eu chamo “RPRA” (eu aprendi isso de um@ professor@ absolutamente fantástic@) e isso me ajudou a atravessar inúmeros ‘avacalhares’ em minha vida.

Quando você ferra (seja se a avacalhação é menor ou maior), pratique os "RPRA:

Reconhecimento
Pedido de Desculpas
Reparo
Ação

1. Reconhecimento: isso é realmente importante, porque se você não concluir o que você fez, e como isso foi ‘fudido’, há uma alta probabilidade de que você vá fazê-lo denovo – uma probabilidade bem grande.

2. Pedido de Desculpas: é algo também bem importante, mas é preciso que seja genuíno (o que requere #1 – Reconhecimento). Dizer coisas como “Eu peço desculpas se você se sentiu mal com o que eu disse/escrevi” ou “Eu peço desculpas se feri seus sentimentos”, é completamente diferente de dizer “Eu peço desculpas por ter escrito/dito aquilo. Eu vejo como isso foi fodido ………”. (tenha em mente que ‘se’ é uma palavra reservada para hipóteses, e não se refere usualmente à vida real. Quando é usada como desculpa, ‘se’ é usualmente apenas um dilutivo, e se você não pode se desculpar de verdade, então nem chegue a pedir desculpas. Uma espécie de ética de sovacamento).

3. Reparação: as vezes energia é requerida para atualmente pensar sobre como você avacalhou e fazer um reconhecimento e pedido de desculpas honesto não é suficiente para retornar o balanceamento para a situação (depende do tipo de avacalhação, ainda assim). Em alguns casos, ‘reparar’ pode também significar retornar dinheiro/energia/tempo que sua merda criou para alguém. Isso pode ser feito em qualquer uma das numerosas saídas criativas. Exemplo: se eu me ponho todx defensivx em uma discussão, de maneira que essa discussão tomou oito horas ao invés de 30 minutos, apenas considere dar à pessoa com quem você se tornou todx defensivx 8 horas do seu próprio tempo para fazer a elas algo que elas poderiam ter feito se você não estivesse todx prepotente sendo uma merda defensiva (não que eu não tenha nunca feito isso… não, isso nunca aconteceu comigo… OK, talvez só daquela vez…. OK – Droga! Estou totalmente queimadx aqui….)

4. Ação – Este pode ser o mais importante dos ítens. Se você sabe que você fez algo que foi errado, e você expressou que você está genuinamente sentidx de que você tenha feito algo fodido, então realmente, a única evidência concreta disso será que você vai mudar o que você fará no futuro. Para mim, se eu não tomar esse passo (ação), as outras três anteriores terão sido apenas manipulação.

Se você tá pensando, “Ora, se #4 é tão importante, e é realmente a coisa crítica, por que importar-se com as outras três?”. Apenas acredite em mim nisso e tente os passos 1-3 em tempo real. Eu descobri que eles eram incríveis, quando combinados com o passo 4. Não há nada… nada!… que derreta meu coração mais que um reconhecimento de coração, pedido de desculpas, e oferecer-se para reparar isso.

Não apenas isso, mas tomar os passos #1-#3 antes de mover-se ao passo #4 atualmente tende a fazer o passo #4 mais fácil para mim. Se eu sei que a outra pessoa agora sabe que eu sei que eu mandei cagada, e que eu me senti mal sobre isso, e que se eu sei que minhas cagadas tem consequências (assim como as reparações que eu fiz), de algum modo tomar uma ação diferente se torna tão mais… qual era a palavra que eu estava buscando?… motivacional?

Se você está pensando o que estimulou este escrito – não, eu não especialmente mandei uma cagada hoje (não de que eu esteja ciente) – (embora seja mais certo que eu haja feito cagadas de algum modo hoje) – (está bem – mais certo que, provavelmente) – (ok, mais que provável, quase certo).

Eu estou bem com isso. Eu não me importo tanto de fazer cagadas quando eu sei o caminho para voltar ao estado de graça.

Meu pai que era um professor de escola secundária antes dele se retirar, costumava dizer: “Se você vai tocar mal uma nota, ao menos a toque mal com gosto, desta maneira alguém vai notar e te dar a oportunidade de corrigir isso”.

Eu adoro meu pai.

portlytruestories.blogspot.co.nz/2007/1...

Safer Spaces
128 interim safer spaces policy 2013

We aim to make 128 a welcoming and inclusive space where everyone can be safe from all forms of discrimination, abuse, exploitation and oppression.
We acknowledge that we cannot guarantee such a space but hope that this policy will help people to understand what their role is in creating a safer space.

At 128, you need to be responsible for your behaviours and aware of the ways in which they can affect others. You need to be aware of your own feelings and be responsible for the ways in which you react.

Please be aware at all times of power.
Abusive situations are often created when people are unaware of the power they have in a relationship or situation.
Gender, sexuality, size, physical impairment, ethnicity, age, class, education, mental health, who you know and how well you know them can all affect how much power a person has in any situation.

Don’t assume everyone feels as comfortable as you do, or is completely able to inform you if you are saying and doing hurtful things.
We understand that everyone makes mistakes but hurting others isn’t ok.
We hope that this will give an idea of some ways to make things right and take responsibility for mistakes which have hurt people.

Things that can be abusive:

Physical things:
pushing, hitting, non-consentual sexual touching, friendly (but non-consentual) fighting or tickling, threatening behaviors like smashing things and slamming doors, getting in someone elses personal space repeatedly after being asked not to.

Verbal things:
Please be aware of your language and body language. Hurtful jokes, making generalisations about minority groups to which you do not personally belong, defining the experiences of said groups, intentionally embarrassing others, using loaded statements, dumping emotional baggage on others without asking if they can listen/support you, talking negatively or inappropriately about other peoples food or bodies. Victim blaming.

Emotional stuff:
psychological manipulation, manipulating situations, coersion, putting people down, talking in ways that make others feel unnecessarily uncomfortable or insecure, passive aggression**

How to respond:
If you are using 128 you have a responsibility to challenge people on abusive or crappy behavior if you are able to, whether or not it directly affects you, or to raise it with someone who can. The idea is to be a good ally, not to make people feel stupid, so sometimes a good way is to imagine you’re friends and you just wanted to quietly point out something embarrassing which they did.
This doesn’t need to be a huge callout and can sometimes be as simple as saying ‘I think women are just as able to fix a bike as men are’ or ‘that sounded a bit racist, could you explain what you meant?’.
In saying that, if you are (for example) a person of colour and someone is being racist its ok to be angry and have an emotional response. If you see this happening, please be aware of the likely power dynamics at play and don’t put all the blame on the PoC.

If you have been hurt:
In a safer space, all allegations of abuse will be responded to, and we also take just being hurtful to people seriously too.

We believe in a survivor centered approach and we want a culture which listens to people who are having a hard time, people who have been hurt, and people who are experiencing abuse.
If someone feels hurt or wronged we will acknowledge and validate their emotions.
Where abuse has occurred we will not blame the person who has been abused, we will do what we can to support them to work out how they feel, and what they need to empower themself with their journey of healing.

Abuse can be a really intense and serious thing to deal with and we are not trained counselors or mediators. We will do what we can to be supportive, with the objective of keeping 128 a space free from abuse and oppression.

If you have hurt or abused someone:
If you make the space unsafe it’s your responsibility to make it safe again for everyone who has been affected.*
If past abuse is making people feel unsafe at 128 you need to raise the issue with the 128 collective and show what steps you have taken to change the abusive behaviors.
You may be asked to attend or not attend meetings about your abusive behaviors, to remove yourself from 128, or to not return to 128.
We believe that people can change their attitudes and behaviors and encourage you to take responsibility for doing this. Any actions we take will be to increase the safety of 128 and to support people who have been abused, not to punish or penalise.

We ask that people identify any problematic behaviors, and their own feelings, and be aware of the power that words like ‘Abuse’ and ‘Unsafe’ hold. Please use these word where appropriate, and never when its not appropriate. We also ask that people differentiate between ‘I think’, ‘I feel’, and ‘I imagine’ (eg, I think person X is a jerk. I feel uncomfortable around them. I imagine that they don’t like me). This is important when it comes to validation of feelings and deciphering our own processes.

Drugs and alcohol:
Being under the influence of drugs or booze is not an excuse for shitty behavior. If you behave badly when intoxicated DO NOT BE AT 128 IN THIS STATE. If you violate the safety of the space, you will still be held accountable.
Note: during open hours 128 is a sober space. The 128 collective can approve events which include drinking at their discretion, but this approval is not implied and needs to be sought.

Children: We want 128 to be a welcoming and safe space for kids.
Please be aware of childrens safety, including keeping the kidproof lock on the front door, closing gates, unplugging power tools, keeping knives, medicines, hot things, cleaning products, allergy foods etc out of reach.
Please also remember to treat children with the same respect and inclusion we show to adults. If kids need things or are bored please make efforts to help them out, get them a snack, show them the toys, movies, art supplies etc.

• Note: Passive aggressive behaviors:
  Passive aggressive behavior is complicated.
  Often its marked by pervasive negative attitudes and involves expressing aggression in non-assertive, passive, or indirect ways, usually involving disclaiming knowledge of or responsibility for following through on social expectations or responsibilities.
  It can manifest as learned helplessness, procrastination, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, hostility dressed up as jokes, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

Ambiguity or speaking cryptically as a means of engendering a feeling of insecurity in others.
Chronically being late and forgetting things as a way to exert control or punish.
Making chaotic situations.
Obstructionism.
Victimisation response: instead of recognising ones own weaknesses or issues, blaming others for ones own failures.
Constantly making others responsible for ones own feelings.
Chronic derailing of discussions to avoid taking responsibility or addressing ones own problematic behaviors.
Withdrawing into long silences to avoid confronting or connecting with others.
Sometimes it looks like everything is nice, polite, agreeable and diplomatic on the surface/from the outside but ones actions or words are actively hostile in subtle ways which are felt strongly by its targets.
Passive aggressive behavior can result in sabotaging of projects and creating hostile environments.
Recognising and pinpointing or calling out passive aggression can be really difficult, but using passive aggressive behaviors can be really abusive, and have disastrous consequences.

Note, one of these on its own isn’t always passive aggressive and not all people who engage in passive aggressive behaviours will do all of these things.
If you recognise this list as your own behaviors, check yourself and learn some new tools/skill sets. Its your own responsibility to not be abusive.

Guidelines for Creating Safer Spaces

Being able to create a safer space for yourself, between two individuals, for a group, a community, an event or a workshop makes it hard for oppression to thrive. It stifles stereotypes, shrinks bias, expands perspective and opens communication. The PSN uses the following guidelines for creating safer spaces. These were developed by TransAction in 2010.

1. Respect your own physical, mental and emotional boundaries.
Stay attuned to your own needs and remember that you are welcome to take space away from the group should you feel that you need time alone, or away from the group.
If something doesn’t feel right to you, please speak up. You may not be the only one who feels that way.
If you don’t want to talk or answer a question, say so, don’t wait for someone to “get the hint.” Try to vocalize what you need.
Be assertive if possible. If you have a concern with someone, be direct.
2. Respect others’ physical, mental and emotional boundaries.
Always ask for explicit verbal consent before engaging or touching someone. Never assume consent. It is important to remember that consent is not always implied, even with folks that one is typically very close to.
Don’t assume the race, ethnicity, culture, sexuality, gender, history with violence etc. of others. Instead, ask if someone is open to engaging in dialogue about identity. Don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t want to answer a question.
If at all possible, find out what pronouns people prefer or use neutral pronouns such as “they” or “z.”
Respect the confidentiality of others. Respect the privacy of information, narratives and experiences that others share with you.
3. Assume Positive Intent
We are all here to learn, and we all have something to offer.
Clarifying questions are encouraged.
Respect diverse opinions, beliefs, and points of view. Share ideas rather than judgments.
Use ‘I’ statements as much as possible to state your reactions or your experiences to avoid attacking others when challenging them or engaging with them about mistakes that may have been made.
Everyone (including you) will make unintentional mistakes.
Be aware of the effects your behaviour has on others and accept responsibility for it.
Expect to be challenged by others if you make a mistake.