Being an Ally – It’s not an identity . . . .
1. Do you rush to critique the way that others respond to their oppression instead of acknowledging their concerns?
2. How often do you and your dude friends check in with each other on whether you’re fostering patriarchal culture?
3. Do you think about how your privilege impacts everything you do every day?
4. Have you ever gone an entire meeting or other group conversation without saying anything?
5. Do you listen to other people? What does listening mean to you? What does listening mean to others?
6. When you’re having conversations do you find yourself spending more time explaining than actually conversing?
7. Do you consistently raise your hand immediately at meetings without leaving space for less assertive or those needing more time to volunteer to participate?
8. When you initiate a conversation do you set the parameters as to where the convo goes and when and how others participate?
9. Do you declare the end of a conversation assuming that others are also satisfied with the outcome?
10. When you participate in conversations and other situations do you assume that others are less knowledgeable than you are?
11. Have you ever discounted someone’s experience by citing academic sources on the subject as more relevant?
12. Do you recognize that “insert oppressed group here” blindness minimizes the experience and struggle of the oppressed group?
13. Do you recognize that “insert oppressed group here” blindness attempts to minimize your role in such oppression?
14. When in action situations do you take on role of leader and protector?
15. Do you tend to not pursue friendships with women who are really outspoken?
16. Do you assume that concerns voiced by females about males are often based on personal disagreements rather than the issue at hand?
17. When someone is criticizing another sex are you more likely to take the side of the dude?
18. When a friend of yours is criticized for patriarchal behavior do you make excuses for that behavior?
19. Do you take sentiments expressed by a man more seriously than the woman who said the same thing two minutes previous?
20. When people challenge your words or actions, do you immediately respond in a defensive way without considering the validity of that person’s criticisms?
21. Do you assume that radical identified dudes are less likely to be perpetrators of sexual assault?
22. Have you ever thought about how you and your community would handle someone in your community being a survivor of sexual assault?
23. Have you ever thought about how you and your community would handle someone in your community being a perpetrator of sexual assault?
24. Do you take into account how certain behaviors or language can be triggering to others?
25. Do you verbalize consent at all levels of sexual activity before proceeding?
26. Do you verbalize consent every time regardless of past sexual history?
27. Do you wait until you or others are intoxicated to initiate intimate and sexual interactions?
28. How often do you think about your own violations of consent?
29. Are you aware that its actually a violation of consent if someone “agrees” after you pressure them? (Pressuring can come in the form of repeatedly asking although receiving negative or passive responses as well as making someone feel guilty for not participating)
30. Do you assume that because you’re a radical man that you’re a feminist?
31. Do you pursue friendships with women you are attracted to with the underlying possibility that something more could result?
32. Do you pursue friendships with women you are attracted to with the goal that something more could result?
33. Do you make friends with women that you are not attracted to?
34. Do you pursue friendships with women that you believe will never be attracted to you?
35. Do you factor in people’s identifications and the specific needs that come with them in your interactions with them?
36. Do you think about how your privilege impacts everything you do every day?
37. Do you recognize that gender differences and privilege will continue to play a role in our insurrection?
38. Do you think that thinking about privilege is a luxury or less important than smashing the state?
39. Do you know the best ways for oppressed groups to respond to their oppression? (trick question)
40. Do you realize that sometimes you may be incapable of understanding someone’s experience? Can you accept that and proceed respectfully?